


Where You Go, I Go

by MazyLoron



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 16:32:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17083835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MazyLoron/pseuds/MazyLoron
Summary: The Welshwoman deflated slightly at the fearful expression that appeared on Patsy’s face. “And then after giving you an earful, I’m going to kiss the life out of you - I’ve missed you terribly.” The tension in Patsy’s posture eased slightly. “But first things first.”





	Where You Go, I Go

Delia couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing. Patsy was back. Her Patsy was back and had kissed her in the middle of the street. And while she knew Patsy’s friends deserved some time with her to catch up, she also knew that she needed to talk with her alone. 

As soon as everyone had gotten their chance to greet her, Delia started pointing out how tiring the journey must have been for Patsy and offering to help take her things up to Nonnatus House. 

Patsy happily complied and bid her friends goodnight. The two carried Patsy’s things through the heavy doors and up the stairs. As soon as they were both in Delia’s room, Delia dropped Patsy’s suitcase on the floor and shut the door behind them. 

To Patsy’s surprise, Delia immediately turned to her small collection of records, found a nice, brassy, big band album, and started it playing on her record player as loud as it would go. 

“You want to listen to music?” asked Patsy, sitting down on Delia’s bed. She didn’t know what to expect in this moment but the last time she could remember Delia shutting them in her room and putting on loud music was to mask the sound of them... playing cards. 

“No, I want to have a fight,” Delia answered mater-of-factly. She crossed her arms and assumed a confrontational stance as she looked down at the redhead. Patsy had never seen her look so tall. 

For a brief moment, Patsy held out hope that this was a joke but when Delia simply looked at her expectantly, the small, tired smile Patsy wore dropped from her face. 

She knew she should have written to Delia while she was away and she expected that Delia would be cross with her for not giving her any notice that she was coming home but it was suddenly apparent to her that she had underestimated just how upset Delia would be. 

The Welshwoman deflated slightly at the fearful expression that appeared on Patsy’s face. “And then after giving you an earful, I’m going to kiss the life out of you - I’ve missed you terribly.” The tension in Patsy’s posture eased slightly. “But first things first,” Delia continued, regaining some of the fire she started off with, “you couldn’t find the time to write while you were away?! For all I knew, you could have been dead in a ditch! Do you have any idea how worried I was?! How alone I was without you?! I had no idea how you were or when I would ever see you again and I had no one I could talk to about it.” 

Patsy grimaced slightly and dropped her gaze to her hands where they worried the material of her blouse. She knew what she did was wrong but she had told herself that she was protecting Delia by keeping her from her grief. Now she couldn’t pretend that wasn’t just an excuse. 

Delia sat down next to her and took one of Patsy’s hands. She knew that her favorite redhead had gone through a lot while she was away but Delia needed Patsy to understand that she couldn’t close her out like this again. 

“You didn’t even tell me when your father passed,” she said softly. “I could wait for you forever if I knew you were coming home but I didn’t even know if I would ever see you again.” 

At that, Patsy’s eyes snapped up to meet Delia’s. “I knew,” she said firmly, tightening her hold on Delia’s hand. The thought that Delia could doubt that Patsy would come back to her broke her heart. “You’re the only one for me,” Patsy pleaded, needing to make Delia understand the depth of her love for her. It was so obvious to Patsy that she needed Delia like she needed air that it never occurred to her that Delia could think that Patsy would choose to not come back. “I could never leave you.” 

“But you did!” There were tears in Delia’s eyes as she gasped out the words. “Just tell me why you couldn’t write. Give me a reason for cutting me out!” 

Patsy felt her heart break all over again. She hated that Delia was hurt and she hated herself for being the cause of that hurt. She could feel tears welling up in her own eyes out of guilt and pain for the woman she loved. With some effort, she turned her thoughts back to the times that she sat down to write to Delia. 

“I tried,” she said lamely. “I know that doesn’t count for much but I did try to write you. I can’t tell you how many times I wrote about the weather in Hong Kong but couldn’t bring myself to write down my own bloody feelings.” The same frustration she felt when she tried to write came back to her now and she felt the same need to brush the unwanted tears out of her eyes as she had then. 

Watching her father slowly wither away and die had been terribly difficult for Patsy. She had already seen more than her fair share of death and disease in her life and while she was no longer a child and her father’s palatial estate was a far cry from the internment camp in Singapore, she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about how her mother and sister wasted away, no matter how much she tried. 

“I coped with the loss of my mother and sister by forcing myself to forget as much as I could about the camp. I tried to block out the world around me then and I found myself doing the same for my father. I wanted desperately to write to you but then it would all be real.” Patsy took a steadying breath and chanced a look at Delia’s face and found only understanding there. This was exactly what Delia wanted from the letters that never came. She wanted to know how her love was doing and to be able to support her. Patsy knew how much Delia wanted Patsy to simply let her love her but opening up was so difficult. 

She pushed forward, knowing that trying to share now was the least she could do. “I once got as far as ‘Father’s health continues to be poor’ before giving up. Honestly, there were times that I just wanted to write ‘I miss you’ on a slip of paper and drop that in the mail,” Patsy said with a mirthless laugh. 

“I wish you would have,” said Delia, earnestly. 

Patsy looked at Delia, puzzled. Would Delia really have been satisfied with something so seemingly insufficient? Delia raised a hand to cup a tear-stained cheek and began to caress Patsy’s face with her thumb. 

“Patsy, I want you to open up to me but, more than that, I want to be there for you, even if there’s half the world between us. I love you,” said Delia with a watery smile. 

Patsy choked out something between a sob and a laugh as she returned Delia’s smile. She reached up to hold the hand cupping her cheek and turned to place a kiss into her palm. “I love you too, Deels. And I promise, I’ll never cut you off like that again,” Patsy said, fiercely. 

“I know,” Delia answered softly as she used the hand still against Patsy’s cheek to pull her in for a kiss. “Where you go, I go.”

**Author's Note:**

> Long time fanfic reader, first time fanfic writer. Is it obvious that I just wanted to run through the part that establishes what scene this follows as quickly as possible? Anyway, let me know what you think!


End file.
